


Operation

by OliviaAdams



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, James Buchanan Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Bucky Barnes Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Fluff, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, F/M, Hurt Bucky Barnes, James Buchanan Barnes - Freeform, METAL ARM, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Winter Soldier feels, winter soldier - Freeform, winter soldier angst, winter soldier fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7969744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliviaAdams/pseuds/OliviaAdams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A routine surgery on a super soldier is anything but routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Operation

**Author's Note:**

> While the main character is in surgery, there is no blood, gore or anything graphic. No one dies. There is, however, pain. There is fluff. There is no smut or mentions thereof. Just lots of pain and fluff.

It was supposed to be a simple routine surgery.  
  
“Just an appendectomy. I’ve done hundreds” the surgeon had reassured us both.  
  
I was beyond nervous. I wasn’t even the one having the surgery, it was my husband. Bucky had held _my_ shaking hands all through pre-op and surgery prep. I had even brought my parents to sit with me in the waiting room. Bucky protested at first, not wanting them to see him in any state outside of his norm. He conceded, kissing my forehead, when I burst into tears at the simple mention of picking up his post-op pain medication.  
  
 “Ninety minutes, tops” Dr. Tourna smiled as he wheeled Bucky out of the small pre-op room. His large frame looked so small, covered in only a hospital gown and a thin blanket. His metal arm shone in the fluorescent lighting above us. I wiped tears from my eyes, forcing a smile for him, before heading to the surgical waiting room.  
  
I settled myself in to the waiting room chair with my book and my water bottle. It was going to be the longest 90 minutes of my life. Mom stared at me from across the row of chairs.  
  
“I’m fine” I sighed at her. “I think…” I wasn’t, she knew I wasn’t. My trembling hands shook my book so hard that I could couldn’t even read it. Several long sips of water and crunching a few ice cubes calmed my nerves enough to finally get engrossed into my book.  
  
…  
  
The first scream echoed from the operating room all the way to the waiting room. I dropped my book, startled at the sound. It was painfully familiar. My heart started racing and my hands were trembling all over again.  
  
The second scream stood me bolt upright, tears stinging my eyes. The third scream had me rushing for the door. Dad stopped me, grabbing me by both shoulders.  
  
“It’s ok! He’s ok!” He almost shook the words into me. “It’s probably not even him. And _if_ it is, the nurses will take care of him.”  
  
A fourth scream tore through me and my breathing became ragged, my mind was racing. A short, dark skinned nurse appeared at the door. She was shaking like a leaf, trying to straighten out her scrub top.  
  
“Mrs. Barnes … um… could you come with me?” I rush to the door and she ushered me down the hall. Another scream careened down the hall and my body was running before I realized it.  
  
“Go! Go to him! They need your help!” the nurse called down the hall, her short stride unable to keep up with mine.  
  
I followed the screams, tears spilling over. What was happening?  
  
Another nurse was waiting for me at the door to the wash room, holding it open. I could see him. The sight stopped me in my tracks and I couldn’t move forward. Through the door, through the glass window over the sinks, I could see him on the table. He was writhing in pain, screaming. Nurses and doctors scrambled all over the room. Machines everywhere, beeping, pinging, and screaming their alarms.  
  
“He needs you.” The nurse urged. It was everything I could do keep myself standing.  
  
Dad rushed up the hall behind me. “ <y/n>… he needs you! Go!”  
  
The tears poured down my face. I was sobbing, ears ringing and hands shaking. His screams were tearing me in half. I let myself be pushed into the wash room and in an instant there were two nurses on me, covering my hair, pulling a long gown over my arms and tying it behind my back, helping me with gloves, tying a mask over my mouth and nose.  
  
“Go! Go inside. We need you to calm him down” one of the nurses pleaded. Her voice was raspy from crying and her eyes were red and swollen. Tears stained her face mask. “Please!” The pain in her eyes killed me.  
  
He was open, on the operating table. They had pulled up a drape so he wouldn’t see… not that he could. His eyes were rung red, pouring tears and slammed shut from the world. He’s face was pale and covered in sweat. He was screaming, screaming, SCREAMING.  
  
I didn’t even have to convince myself to not look at the open surgery site. His face was all I saw.  
  
“Bucky” I choked out. He was screaming. SCREAMING. Arms reaching for solace, pulling at his hair, fighting anything that touched him. His metal arm thrumming as he balled his fist and slammed it down on the table. Metal on metal clanging through the tiny room. The anesthesiologist was attempting to restrain, calm and medicate him all at once. A nurse tried frantically to keep an oxygen mask over him, to no avail. He was screaming. Flailing. What happened!?  
  
“Bucky…” I finally reached him and laid my hand gently on his cheek. “Bucky…” He was writhing and crying out… but I laid my cheek against his, running my hands up through his hair. “James!” I sobbed into his ear. He stilled. His breath was ragged and stressed, but he stopped screaming for a moment. “Honey I’m here. I’m here.” I cried, unrestrained, and ripped the surgical mask from my face.  
  
“James, I’m here… what do I do?” He took a single deep, heaving breath and incomprehensible verbal hysterics erupted.  
  
“What! Happen!?” I gasped to the anesthesiologist.  
  
Bucky threw his head back, screaming through gritted teeth. His head vibrated from the effort, his eyes held wide open, pain knitting his eyebrows.  
  
“He didn’t stay under. We can’t get him back under, if he doesn’t calm down!” He didn’t even look at me. Dr. Brown, I suddenly noticed on his coat, was frantically fiddling with everything he could reach. Tubes and wires went from his machines to Bucky. Bucky was in hysterics, squeezing his eyes shut again he shook his head frantically side to side. Heavy breathing flared his nostrils.  
  
“We need you to get him calm. I can’t overdose him on sedatives in an attempt to get past his adrenaline.”  
  
“NO!” Bucky roared! “NO!”  
  
“Bucky… baby they HAVE to get you back under! They need to get you closed at least!”  
  
“We need to finish the surgery!” the surgeon stated loudly, his voice cracking. His mask too was stained with tears and his glasses had started to fog.  
  
“NO!” Bucky sobbed.  
  
“James, my love…” I cried and cried, “Breathe, please!” I cupped his face, trying to still him, to calm his terror.  
  
“No! I could feel it! I can feel EVERYTHING! I couldn’t MOVE!” he cried out. He threw his head back and stifled a scream through his gritted teeth.  
  
Dr. Brown froze, eyes wide with fear and knowing. He dropped his head into his hands.  
  
“Mr. Barnes, I am so sorry. The chances of this…” he rambled on, statistics about bodies metabolizing too fast, and on and on. “The serum… it must have changed…”  
  
James was sobbing into my neck, caging me to him with one arm, both of us shaking. “Don’t. Leave.” He choked out.  
  
“I’m not leaving”. Tears poured down my face, hands shaking, heart racing.  
  
“What can we do?” I could barely whisper to the surgeon.  
  
The room went quiet. Everyone stared at me, at Bucky, at Dr. Brown. The machines calmly hummed, whirred and beeped softly. No alarms, no sirens. Just Bucky’s muffled sobs.  
  
“We have to get his appendix out. We can’t leave it in... And then we have to close him up.” The surgeon stated calmly and matter-of-factly.  
  
“But we can’t put him back under,” Dr. Brown strained against the words.  
  
“Can you treat it like a cesarean?” I asked.  
  
“We can… yes…” Dr. Brown immediately started barking orders to the nurses and changing settings on machines. The room erupted into a frantic well-oiled machine.  
  
“James, they’re going to give you a spinal block. Ok?”  
  
“I don’t care” he hiccupped. “Just make it stop!”  
  
The surgical team packed the open incision, rolled James to his side and Dr. Brown inserted the spinal block. I was there, never moving, holding James’s face, whispering horribly un-funny jokes in an attempt to distract him.  
  
“Don’t leave me”, he repeated over and over. “ _Please_ stay with me.”  
  
The surgeon was quick. His hands seemed to fly over Bucky in a race against time. The entire room knew what would happen. His body would metabolize the spinal block, faster than normal.  
  
_Please be fast. Please be faster than it wears off. Please don’t let him hurt anymore._ I urged mentally. All the while I told Bucky stories of our time together so far. The first time we met, at the movie theater. Our first date of pizza and beer, to watch a baseball game. The first time he met my family and he spilled water all over my sister. Anything and everything to keep his mind away from his surgery, whispered straight to his ear. My face pressed hard to his cheek, one hand in his hair, the other gripped in his metal hand.  
  
When it was done and the surgeon has closed, Dr. Tourna himself collapsed into a small chair in the corner of the room. He pulled off his mask and cap, hung his arms down between his knees, his hands still clutched tightly to his surgical garments. He looked up at me with his eyes, barely lifting his head.  
  
“Thank you.” He breathed. His gratefulness evident in his voice. I nodded, not knowing what to say, and turned back to Bucky.  
  
Dr. Brown was trying to explain to James and me what would happen next. All I could understand was that he would be giving Bucky heavy pain medication and he would sleep. _Good… that is good,_ was all I could think.  
  
Straightening myself up for the first time since I got to him, I noticed the pain in my hip, back, shoulders and arms. Seeing Bucky’s face, I did not care one bit about the pain. His sad, tear stained face was finally relaxed and his eyelids blinked heavily.  
  
“Go to sleep, my love” I whispered and kissed his forehead.  
  
“I love you,” he whispered back and I watched his entire body relax as he fell asleep.  
  
A nurse guided me out of the room as the recovery team started to transfer Bucky to a bed and to the recovery unit. It was the same nurse that came to get me from the waiting room. That room felt like it was ages ago. My mind and body were heavy as she helped me undress from the surgical coverings.  
  
“We will take you to recovery in just a few minutes,” she gently patted my arm and then suddenly gripped me in a bear hug. “Thank you, sweet girl. Thank you.”  
  
“I don’t know what I did.” I shook my head.  
  
“You did everything. You calmed him”, she smiled at me, her cheeks wet and eyes red. “Come on sweetheart, let’s get you some water.” She gently pushed me out the door.  
  
Dad was standing there. Arms crossed, feet separated, brow furrowed. His eyes sprung up to my face and I saw the worry.  
  
“<y/n>… did he… is he ok?” Dad asked gently.  
  
“He’s ok”, I nodded. “He woke up in the middle… they couldn’t get him calmed down…” and then my body was overtaken by sobs. Dad wrapped me in a hug, pulling me back to standing. I hadn’t even realized that my knees had buckled. “Dad, he felt it all! He couldn’t move! He felt everything and couldn’t tell them!” I cried into his chest.  
  
“The nurse said you got him calmed down though, that’s good!”  
  
“I tried… He was in so much pain!”  
  
It took six laps up and down the hall and four paper cups of water before I felt calm enough to go see him. Nurse Hattie was waiting for me. She felt more like a grandmother than just a nurse at that point. Mom and Dad went back to the waiting room and Nurse Hattie took me to recovery.  
  
…  
  
Bucky was sleeping. His arms lay at his sides, his flesh hand resting on stomach as his chest rose and fell with soft, even, breaths. He looked so peaceful and calm, a stark comparison to the events that had just ended.  
  
“I wonder if he will remember” I said softly to Hattie.  
  
“He will, baby. I’m so sorry.” She rubbed a soft hand on my upper back. “You will be there for him… and he will be there for you. You will both be ok.”  
  
I spent the next several hours in an armchair, feet propped on the end of Bucky’s bed. I dozed off occasionally, but the slightest noise brought me back. I didn’t want to sleep anyway. I kept a watchful eye on my husband and his monitors, ready to jump at the slightest sign of discomfort. I vowed to never let him feel pain. Ever again.  
  
…  
  
“Once he wakes up, we will make sure his pain is managed and then transfer him to a private room,” Dr. Brown told me. “Our biggest goal is pain management at this point. With proper pain management he will recover well and get to go home soon. With what happened… in the OR… I am concerned.” He sighed and wrung his hands. “He’s doing well right now though, so that is good.”  
  
“Thank you, Dr. Brown,” I smiled, so grateful for that man. “I know how incredibly scary that was for me… I can’t imagine what that was like for you. Thank you for taking care of him.”  
  
Dr. Brown shook his head. “I wish I could have done more… faster. But, here we are.” He scribbled a few things on a clipboard and headed to the computer to add notes to the electronic chart. “I’ve told the nurses to page me as soon as he is awake. Will you help me make sure that happens?”  
  
“Yes, I will,” I nodded slowly. It was then that the exhaustion hit me and I didn’t know if I would manage to even stay awake long enough for Dr. Brown to leave the room. He turned on his heels, wiping his eyes and left quietly.  
  
“<y/n>….” Bucky croaked. I was at his side in an instant.  
  
“James!” I started crying all over again. “Are you in pain? I’ll get Dr. Brown!” I turned to rush out, but he caught my wrist, the cold metal sending a shiver through my body.  
  
“Just wait,” he smiled. “I heard everything he said. I thought he’d never leave.”  
  
“Bucky… I don’t understand,” I tried to laugh.  
  
“I just wanted to see YOU first. I want a few minutes, just us.” He smiled, blinking slowly.  
  
“How are those pain meds?” I laughed easily this time.  
  
“Goooood….” His smile took over his face.  
  
“Good!” I breathed, relieved. My shoulders relaxed and I sat my hip on the edge of his bed.  
  
“I thought I was going insane…” he shook his head. “It was just… pain… and darkness. I couldn’t move. Then I _could_! But the _pain_ … I didn’t think it could worse, but it did.” His eyes were squeezed shut and tears started to fall. “Then you were there. I heard you say _my name_ … you brought me back to reality. Not a very good reality… but I knew I wasn’t crazy,” he stifled a laugh.  
  
“ _James_ … I am so sorry…”  
  
“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t be sorry. You were perfect. I’d still be lost in that pain and darkness if you hadn’t come in…” his eyes shot open. “ _Why_ did you come?! Was I screaming?! Could you _hear_ me!? Or did they come get you?”  
  
“Um…” I looked down at my hands, intertwined with Bucky’s. He pulled a hand out and nudged my chin up. “Both…” I whispered … and the tears started to fall again.  
  
“I am so sorry baby” Bucky rasped. “I’m so sorry”. We collapsed into a sobbing heap. I was trying to keep my weight off his stomach, but he was grabbing and pulling at me desperate to have me as close as possible.  
  
“Don’t cry, Bucky, please” I choked out between sobs “You’ll hurt yourself!” He laughed at that and started sobbing again. “If I don’t get to be sorry, then you don’t either,” I wailed into his shoulder.  
  
“Well aren’t you two just made for each other,” Nurse Hattie laughed through tears.  
  
“Yes.” Bucky wiped my tears from my face with his thumbs, and then his own. “Clearly”, he laughed.  
  
“I’m going to check your incisions and then go get Dr. Brown and Dr. Tourna,” she smiled as she lifted the blanket and pulled up James’s gown. I turned away, not ready to see. “Looks good so far Mr. Barnes. I’ll take my time getting the doctors, so you two can canoodle some more while you’ve got the good meds going on.” Nurse Hattie winked at the two of us and walked to the door humming to herself.  
  
“She’s funny,” Bucky smiled.

“She came to get me,” I turned to look out the window. James’s screams echoing in my mind. I wondered if I would ever forget them… or if they would ever fade. _Someday,_ I hoped.  
  
“Well, then I like her even more now,” he giggled. That smile. That smile that lit up his eyes. That smile that could light up the whole world. I would do anything for that smile.


End file.
